Definitions:
Aspie – Anyone with Asperger’s Syndrome
Neurotypical – Anyone with a “typical brain structure”
One of the things aspies have to deal with more than anything else is being reminded of how “socially crippled” we are. It’s one of those things that have become synonymous with Autism as a whole. This reputation has caused many parents of aspies to want to help their kids build social skills so they can fit into the world better. With all that in mind, allow me to try and share what has helped me grow socially in the past several years.
Aspies need more time to learn how to socialize than Neurotypicals because we see the world differently. One common way for aspies to learn to socialize is through group activities with likeminded people (things like joining a chess club, band, or sports team). Groups like these allow the comfort of a familiar subject or hobby to relieve some of the stress of meeting and getting to know new people.
EVENTS
For many aspies, one of the most effective ways to develop socially is through events and activities that have a lot to do with things we enjoy! The stress of meeting new people is reduced by quite a lot when a familiar subject or hobby is providing comfort.
Such activities might take the shape of tournaments, clubs, or online groups. Personally, I joined a Pokemon TCG (Trading Card Game) league and a local yo-yoing group that met every weekend. These two groups helped me grow socially more than anything else in my life at the time and did wonders to increase my overall happiness.
How to help the aspie in your life
Understanding events are such helpful sources of social growth, what is the best way you can help the aspie in your life pursue them? Encourage them. For me, it was my dad, who pushed me to join groups that cared about things I cared about. If he had not pushed me to join these groups when I was younger, I can assure you I would be much worse off these days socially and otherwise.
The result of that little push? More social growth than anything else has ever provided me in my life.
There are times when encouraging an aspie to join a group can go too far though. And I would be putting you at a significant disadvantage if I skipped mentioning this: Encouraging an aspie to join a group for something that he or she has no interest in is a surefire way to make an enemy out of him or her. You will find it far more useful to encourage your aspie to participate in activities that he or she is interested in already.
Trial and Error
Trial and error are tools most aspies use to learn the majority of their social skills, as there is a lot more to it than one might imagine. Us aspies have to learn body language, non-verbal communication, tones, eye-contact, and more from the ground up (as very little of this comes naturally). The process we use to learn these social skills is very similar to someone learning a second language, in that communicating clearly using new language skills requires practice and frequent failure. In the same way, aspies often learn social skills gradually by frequent failure in applying these new skills correctly.
While this is certainly not the most comfortable way to learn social skills, it is possibly the single most common and effective way. So please have patience as the aspie in your life works hard to master various social skills. I assure you we really do want to be understood and will prove that by how hard we work to be more understandable.
As always email me with any questions at “wouldaspie@gmail.com” and be sure to check out my YouTube channel here!