Autistic Shutdown – Withdrawing from people and generally acting reserved/unwilling to talk.
An autistic shutdown is a very common experience amongst aspies and can cause a host of problems. Unfortunately, this sort of closing off is inevitable in most environments, so it’s just about essential to have some grasp on what it is whether you are an aspie yourself or not.
It’s safe to say that about 98% of my days include this withdrawal to some extent
Not unlike when some people get headaches, an aspie in shutdown wants to be left alone and left to heal/recharge.
Most days I spend the majority of around people end in a substantial shutdown
–Story:
I look at my watch worried about seeing the minutes until what’s next. In the pressure of the moment, I retreat to what I know by working away on my project and do my best to ignore what is coming. Five minutes pass, then ten, and it’s here. It’s lunchtime. The difference is, it will be with a group of people. Far from my usual way of going to a familiar restaurant solo, and ordering the same meal again.
It’s not that I dislike these people, it’s just that I don’t have it in me to meet them. I can feel how much energy I have left before I shut down or worse, and it’s not much.
My plan? To shut it out.
Sure, I’ll go to lunch, but I’m not going to use the last of my energy without a fight. I’ll focus on other things and keep my mind busy. That way, the barrage of lights, sounds, and voices will have less of an effect on my strength.
I know it’ll be perceived as rude or insensitive, but with my alternative being to risk exhausting my mind so thoroughly as to shut down for who knows how long, what choice is there?
–Story end
That story I just shared above shows the kind of choices aspies like myself have to make on what can easily be a daily basis. And though it comes at the cost of social standing, coping mechanisms like focusing on an obsession or interest can do tremendous good in keeping that precious energy in-tact.
Wrapping up
I hope this writing and story make the last several months of silence a little less mysterious. I’ve been adjusting to a lot of changes in my life and am just now getting a strong enough grasp on it to come back to writing here. (I shared about it here)
Thanks for reading and for your support!