All too often I see someone claim that those with Asperger’s syndrome (aspies) have a significant or total lack of empathy. Right off the bat, those claims can be very hurtful to an aspie like myself, but I understand where the people asking such questions are coming from as well. It can be difficult to see someone else’s perspective, especially when it is far different from what you go through on the day-to-day. With this in mind, I’ll share some of my own experiences regarding empathy and in what ways I believe my experiences of empathy vary from others (namely neurotypicals).
Why do so many people think aspies don’t have empathy?
Generally speaking, those claiming that aspies do not have empathy are basing those words on surface level reactions and expressions from the aspie in question. For example, if someone is clearly sad one might observe a nearby aspie appear to not react in the slightest to the point of being easily considered cold.
In my experience, when I see someone sad like in the example above (particularly in my younger years) I would freeze up, desperate to help but not knowing what to do. I did not freeze up for a lack of caring about that person, but rather because I was either unsure of what to do, overwhelmed by feeling what that other person was going through, or perhaps both!
I have observed in other aspies an apparent increase in feeling for others rather than a decrease when compared to neurotypicals. The trouble comes when those aspies try to help only to fail. This builds up over time causing future hesitation to act when similar situations arise. All too often, those stacked up social failures cause the aspie to be closed off to the point of appearing cold even though they are feeling the full brunt of aching for whoever is in distress.
What is this “aspies feel more emotion and empathy than neurotypicals” business?
First off, my claim on this subject is not simply my own. It is derived from this article by PH.D Kenneth Roberson, another by the Asperger / Autism Network (AANE), this study by the Scandinavian Journal of Psychology, and of course: my own experience.
What those articles above talk about matches up with my experience almost entirely in that I so often feel overwhelming amounts of hurt with someone hurting, but just don’t understand how to help them.
While my inability to find a way to help those in distress is not too frequently the case these days, it is the case enough of the time to cause accusations such as “aspies lack empathy” to pop up from time to time. All this does is serve as a reminder to me of all the times I couldn’t figure out how to help fast enough to help someone in distress. And if we are honest with ourselves, that sadness at not being able to always help someone but desperately wanting to is a better sign of empathy than just about anything else.
I sincerely hope this article has shed some light on this subject for you. And, if anyone still has questions feel free to email me at “wouldaspie@gmail.com“
Sources/Additional Resources:
Summary of the article above: Essentially, aspie’s do have empathy and can indeed intensely feel the emotions of others (possibly too much so). The trouble is in identifying what is actually causing the person in distress a problem
Summary of the article above: Essentially, aspies show emotion and empathy differently than neurotypicals do. More than this, it seems likely that aspies might actually feel more emotion/empathy than neurotypicals.
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https://www.autism-help.org/story-adult-empathy.htm
Summary of the article above (this article opposes some of my views, this is intended to be an objective summary): Essentially, this adult aspie concludes that empathy is a severe weakness of his and causes significant issues in personal and professional life. Despite this, he accepts where he is at with Asperger’s and works with any weak spots rather than complaining about them.
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Summary of the article above (this article opposes my views, this is intended to be an objective summary): Essentially, aspies have zero degrees of empathy and cannot possibly comprehend what